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Living like an Irvanian in a universe filled with Dweasels


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Merry Christmas to one and all!

December 23, 2007

[In the spirit of the season, here’s a retread of mine from December 2003. I can’t find my original, but I’m pretty sure it was first sent to one of the Internet writers’ e-mail lists.]

I’d like to wish a Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Hannukah, Happy Ramadan, Merry Christmas, Happy Winter Solstice, Happy New Year, Happy Loot-Swapping Day, and/or Happy Generic Winter Holiday to everyone out there.

Me, I’ve been busy lately producing my new holiday season mixed album, featuring such artists as:

Linkin Park: “I Hate You Because of All the Presents You Gave Me”

Staind: “I’ve Never Gotten Any Presents, So I Hate Myself”

Nine Inch Nails: “I Just Hate Santa, Okay?”

Britney Spears: “Watch Me Try to Spell Chrissmas”

Incubus: “What Do We Do with All the Presents Intended for the Moustache Guy?”

Red Hot Chili Peppers: “Bleep Bleep Bleep the Holiday Bleep Bleep Bleep Bleep Season”

Evanescence: “I’m Not Sure Christmas Exists and I’m Pretty Spooked About It”

The Beach Boys: “We’re Still Celebrating Christmas 1966”

Madonna: “I Saw Me Kissing Santa, Mrs. Santa, and All the Elves and Reindeer on Live TV”

Nat King Cole & Karen Carpenter (duet): “We’ll Still Be Dead for Christmas”

Michael Jackson: “My Attorneys Have Advised Me Not to Comment on Christmas”

Ozzy Ozbourne: “What? It’s what? Why Is the Ground All White?”

Sting: “If You Love Someone, Give Me All Their Presents”

… and many more!

Happy Holidays!

David Ferris
Writer Dude
www.irvania.com

Atrophy: (noun) 1. That shiny thing what’s on Weird Ed’s mantlepiece that he got from winnin’ all them Slargeball games 2. When y’all don’t care about nothin’ 3. A bad thing what happens to yer mussels when yer arms or yer legs ain’t workin’ rite

-— from Wootner’s New Irvanian Unabridged Collegiate Dictionary (English Translation)


This article was filed under:
General
"Best of Dave"
December 2007 articles
Irvania.com webmaster: Dave Ferris
The content on this page was written in December 2003, reposted as a blog entry December 23, 2007
Last updated: June 11, 2016