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Miniatures Rules for the National Sport of Irvania

Draft Rules 2: 8/20/2001
Part 5

The Check for Consciousness Phase

Quite simply, this is when all the unconscious figures attempt to wake up.

For every unconscious/prone/fallen/mired/slumbering figure, roll 1d6. If the figure's Whap stat or less is rolled, the figure has woken up and is now standing, ready to rejoin the game. The figure must be placed in such a way that it is not in base-to-base contact with any other figure or any slargeballs, unless the waking figure is completely surrounded by other figures and/or balls and there is nowhere for it to be placed without being in contact with something or somebody.

A typical game looks pretty much like this.


Coaches are not normally participants in slargeball games, per se. They stand on the sidelines, hurling epithets and vituperations at their team members. However, at any time during a game a Coach can lose his or her self-control and stamp onto the field, marching directly towards one of his or her own team members in order to issue a scathing castigation up close and personal, creating a corridor of pain and suffering in the wake of his or her passage. Coaches can only do this a maximum of three times per game due to the effect it has on their blood pressure.

Coach Activation: The Coach figure starts the game standing just off the field, to the right of the team's slargeline. Coaches cannot Move, Whap, Fling, or Nab until they have been activated. Roll 1d6 to attept to activate a Coach (see table below).
Coach Activation
Need to Roll on 1d6
3 or less
2 or less
Cannot Activate
A roll of 3 or less is required to activate a Coach for the first time in a game (regardless of how many unsuccessful activation rolls have already been attempted). After the Coach has been activated the first time, it takes a roll of 2 or less to activate him or her a second time. A third activation requires a roll of 1. No Coach may be activated more than 3 times during a game.

Once activated, the player controlling the Coach indicates a specific figure on his or her own team (not necessarily in his or her own squad) to be the target of the Coach's wrath. The target figure may be conscious or unconscious. The target figure is immediately frozen in place and may not Move, Whap, Fling, or Nab. The target figure may be the subject of Whap attacks and may suffer Ballbonk. The Coach figure moves in a direct line at 16 inches per turn towards the target figure. The Coach may not change direction or speed.

When the Coach reaches base-to-base contact with the target figure, the Coach and target figure spend one entire turn frozen in place as the Coach gives the wayward athlete a good talking to. Immediately after this turn spent in place, the target figure goes unconscious (if it wasn't already) and the Coach heads directly back to the normal Coach spot off-field, just to the right of the team's slargeline.

As the Coach storms past (coming and going), any figure (either team) with any part of its base within 2 inches of the Coach's line of travel must suffer a Whap attack, using a simulated Whap rating of 5 for the Coach. This occurs during the Coach's Movement Phase and the effects are immediate. The Coach is not actually Whapping the terrified players as he or she goes by; the figures are actually fainting at the Coach's mere proximity. Any figures effected by the Coach's simulated walk-by Whapping can attempt to wake up during the Check for Consciousnss Phase, just like any other Whap attack or Ballbonk victim.

Coaches never perform normal Whap attacks, although they may be the subject of normal Whap attacks. If the Coach is knocking unconscious, the Coach's target figure continues to be frozen in place regardless. Coaches may suffer Ballbonk. Coaches will make a Nab attempt on an airball if they happen to be standing right where the airball is landing, but will make no attempt to Nab a groundball. If a Coach somehow Nabs an airball, he or she will Fling it in a random direction (2d6 distance) during the next Fling Phase. Coaches will never attempt to score a goal, although a Coach's randomly-scattered Fling may score by accident.

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