Long-time Irvania.com readers will recognize some of the characters:
Orestes Dutherios Agrippa: a senior officer in the army of They Who Are Having A Bad Day. Agrippa's career takes a slight downturn when he battles an attack force of huge robotic war machines wearing neckties, but that doesn't interfere with his supply of coffee.
Emily Norris: a Dirty Rotten Stinking Earthie historian who manages to outwit the Dweasels by hiding under their noses for a year and a half. Emily learns the true meaning of Bad Day opera when Agrippa moves in upstairs.
The Monstrous Jake: an eight-foot-tall mop-wielding cockroach who realizes there is something dreadfully wrong with the universe. Jake is pursued by horrors too terrible to imagine.
The Great God Voltoon: an infantryman in the army of They Who Are Having A Bad Day who is suffering a crisis of faith. Voltoon and Jake have been friends for many years, for which Voltoon will never forgive Jake.
Jeanette "Johnnie" Agrippa: a sergeant-major in the Gummibärenjägers, the elite Bad Day commandos. Johnnie's squadron is sent on a raid to attack a mysterious enemy airbase. Two or three things actually go right.
Grunthos the Barbarian: a genetically engineered perfect killing machine who works in an office filing accounts receivable reports. Grunthos wants to transfer to a job where he can get some cleaving and rending in on the side.
Todd: the emperor of They Who Are Having A Bad Day, he finds the secrets of running his empire in a series of notebook binders someone has hidden in his cubicle.
Flight Captain Sir Martin Fomble-Blythe: an Irvanian fighter pilot who has trouble keeping his aircraft intact and upright.
Steinbeck the talking turtle: literary metaphor or drug-induced hallucination? You decide.
The enigmatic Henderson: an Irvanian aircraft mechanic who understands the secrets of the universe as well as the depths of a man's soul. He speaks only in Greek verse, but he's a darn good mechanic.
The 'Sters: 200-foot-tall necktie-wearing robotic war machines, built by Venooties but crewed by Irvanians, symbolic of those unbeatable fears that hunt us down in the night and stomp our heads into the mud.
They Who Are Having A Bad Day: the Bad Days are a race of people who live in their own personal hells, for one reason or another. As individuals they are all fully capable of having a really bad day before they even get out of bed in the morning.
The Dirty Rotten Stinking Earthies: the DRS Earthies descend from some of the remnants of Earth's population, but they believe they are the only descendents from Earth's population. The other races consider the Earthies to be a pitiful, insignificant, minor race. The Dweasels view the Earthies as suitable only for conquering, and the Bad Days can't understand why the Earthies are so darn whiney all the time.
The Dweasels: also an off-shoot of the Humans from Earth, although nobody wants to admit this fact. The DRS Earthies view the Dweasels as cruel, sadistic, and evil, while the Bad Days assume the Dweasels are just plain stupid; neither view is quite correct. The Dweasels are in fact psychotic and paranoid, but they see themselves as the victims of circumstance, always the wronged party in the game of intragalactic empire building.
The Irvanians: an entire race of people who are largely unaware of their surroundings and suffer a near-complete disconnect with reality. Naive and easily manipulated, the Irvanians control a large portion of the universe, a fact that annoys the other races to no end.
The D'Orques: among the most polite, cultured, and intelligent beings in the universe, although they suffer from terrible taste in clothing due to poor eyesight.
The Venooties: a race of semi-retired practical jokers with access to powerful technology and a lot of time on their hands, always a dangerous combination. As a gag, the Venooties gained control of vast portions of the universe and left it all under the control of the Irvanians, without telling anybody about it.
The Machines: in order to guide/assist/manipulate the Irvanians, the Venooties installed a vast network of intelligent but inconspicuous-looking devices: coffee machines, staplers, office chairs, bread makers, and cooling fans. This was not a good idea.
Last updated: April 18, 2008